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February 8, 2010

42 Ways to Krieg up your Life

Tr00 Metal Life

heavy-metal-inspiration

As promised, here are 42 ways to add some tr00, kvlt, krieg, grymm, evil metalness to your life:

  1. Air guitar on the train
  2. Make your own bullet belt 
  3. Alphabetize your CD / Vinyl collection. Mine is alphabetized by the second letter of the artists name, because I’m special.
  4. Organise your CD / Vinyl collection by sub-genre.
  5. Tattoo album art onto your body
  6. Draw tomato sauce pentagrams on top of pizza
  7. Drive a tank
  8. Go hunting
  9. Go hunting with bow and arrow
  10. Learn an instrument
  11. Attend Wacken
  12. Drink from a horn
  13. Be constantly broke
  14. Yell “Play some Slayeeeeeer” at concerts. Every concert. Yes, even the Symphony. 
  15. write in runes
  16. death growl your wedding vows
  17. sign your name in virgin’s blood
  18. quote Nietzche at inappropriate moments
  19. quote Manowar during sex
  20. add a metal umlaut to your name
  21. plan the playlist for your funeral.
  22. Name your health insurance policy “Metal Health”
  23. Own a sword
  24. live the maxin ‘combat boots go with everything”.
  25. Cover all your clothing with patches …
  26. … including your underwear
  27. Buy a copy of Dawn of Black Hearts with Dead’s dead body on the cover for a ridiculously inflated price.
  28. Name your children after Cannibal Corpse songs
  29. Name your cat after a demon of hell
  30. chop your wood with a battleaxe
  31. Work the words tr00, kvlt, krieg, grymm, evil and nekro into your daily vocabulary
  32. headbang during sex
  33. design your own illegible “black metal” signature to sign important documents with
  34. save your ticket stubs in a photo album, alongside guitar picks and drumstick remnants tossed from the metal gods.
  35. put your old underground black metal bootlegged cassette tapes on ebay for $500 apiece.
  36. Spend the proceeds on beer. 
  37. eat steak at every meal
  38. silence is golden, but blastbeats are better.
  39. have a side project
  40. use \m/ in all email correspondence
  41. read this, and giggle.
  42. Be yourself and to hell with what everyone else thinks.

Feel free to add more ideas.

Horns up \m/
Steff

12 Comments on “42 Ways to Krieg up your Life

Little Black Car
September 18, 2013 at 3:40 pm

All right, I hate posting lame “me, too!” replies but I think the stars have decreed it (not really. I’m not into that stuff). I’m playing my “autobiographical” playlist and I click on the “How did you get into metal?” post and see . . . “Runaway Train”. Just as “Runaway Train” starts playing.

Also, because I’m a . . . metal ally? Can there be such a thing? Because I’m definitely not a metalhead even though I seem to get along with them. Anyway, metal ally and also a great, big, nerd, and since I was desperately bored at work today I wrote a complementary bit to “42 ways . . . “, but for old-time (American traditional) music.

And–I swear I didn’t plan this–it was entry number 666 on my blog. I even screencapped it so I’d have photographic evidence.

steff
October 4, 2013 at 3:12 am

@Little Black Car – dude, the coincidences are SERIOUSLY crazy. I love it. Loved your post, too. Metal allies for life. (there should be a secret handshake).

Despite the fact that I write a blog about metal, around 40% of my music collection + music listening hours are dedicated to non-metal – most folk music, classical, weird Finnish avant-garde composers, and hideous pop music that I’ll never admit to liking out loud. Variety is good. I’m cranking that Runaway Train right now. Fuck, this song meant so much to me growing up.

successocelot
March 18, 2013 at 4:52 am

at 41, you can view this list and others for the many sub-genres at metalstorm.com. i don’t mean to advertise them here, but it is a good site, and the 101 rules of power metal is hilarious (as is the epic sequal!).

Leticia
August 17, 2011 at 2:59 pm

BAHAHAHAHA QUOTE MANOWAR DURING SEX!!!! LOLOLOL
That’s fantastic.

Were you thinking along the lines of, “Open wide thy gates embrace me.”?? hahaha

steff
August 22, 2011 at 2:09 am

@Leticia – that one EXACTLY.

Andypants
March 23, 2010 at 11:38 pm

Gronk hails in accordance with the prophecy!

Altáriel
February 10, 2010 at 1:19 pm

If you work at an office make sure your mug looks like a tankard, or IS a tankard. (My mug is actually a cute white one with bears my mum gave me – I use it for the double purpose of demonstrating my love for her and messing with my workmates’ heads a bit)

Awesome blog \m/

Islander
February 9, 2010 at 6:15 pm

Laffed many times at your list. Then laffed more times when I followed your link at No. 41. But now I am upset with myself, because laffing isn’t krieg, is it? Am trying to compensate for laffter by browsing demon names for cat. He’s 17 years old but probably won’t notice when we start calling him something other than “kitty.”

steff
February 9, 2010 at 1:30 pm

Tausend Dank! Adastra, feel free to nitpick away – I miss things when I type so much, and neither “krieg” nor “kreig” are in my computer dictionary. Rest assured, I’ll never spell it “kreig” again \m/

adastra
February 9, 2010 at 1:42 am

What do you mean with kreig? Do you by any chance mean the German word krieg? That’s spelled differently ;) Sorry for being a German nitpicker, but kreig is just not krieg ;)

Fun list though!

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