Dealing with Rejection … the Metalhead way

Dealing with Rejection … the Metalhead way
July 21st, 2010 | Tr00 Metal Life
Rejection of any kind sucks ass. You didn’t get that “dream” job? Your novel got passed over for publication? You were turned down by that hottie you’ve been courting for months? Yeah, rejection’s a bummer.

Metalheads deal with rejection, just like everybody else. People online diss the music you poured your soul into, some dick at a concert calls you a poser, or you don’t get accepted into that music school you’ve been counting on.

I'm all alone. There's no one to caaaareee for me!

1. Mourn

Look, you know the world hasn’t ended, life will go on and all that, but when you plan and hope and dream about something and it doesn’t happen. You’re pretty gutted. I don’t think you should hide that. Take a day or two to be sad, or angry. Cancel your social engagements if you don’t feel like going, stay and bed and eat cashew butter (mmmm) on toast and watch Dr. Phil and yell at the television. Cry. Punch things – things that aren’t people or owned by someone else.

You get a day or two to mope and mourn a lost opportunity, then you have to get over it. Yeah, now your life isn’t going to turn out like you planned, but it could be ever better.

2. When God / Odin / Lucifcr / Osiris / Allah / the universe closes a door, he / she / it opens a window.

Maybe it’s a grubby window in the corner that doesn’t get any sun and you think “I really would have liked to just take the door, thanks”, but whenever something doesn’t go your way, it’s usually because something even better is coming up. Mother Metal always said to me when I felt depressed or downhearted that I have to remember all the other times I was rejected … and then better stuff happened. And she’s right. Yeah, it hurts now – but I don’t have the gift of hindsight to see the bigger picture.

3. Find something to learn.

Having your novel’s rejected makes you a better writer … far more so than being a success right from the first word. Being dumped by a lover makes you a better lover, if you’re willing to embrace the experience and learn from your mistakes. Everything in life teaches you something you can use to make your life better, but you have to be willing to look for it.

5. Don’t Take it Personally

I struggle with this. I take everything way to personally. I feel like a failure, like nothing I do, ever, will ever be good enough. I feel like giving up on everything.

And then I get over it. No one died, I’m not sick. I have a wonderful job and a husband who loves me and a cat who’s standing on the keyboard. Life’s pretty good, really. I’m a fucking heavy metal fucking warrior. Then i feel better :)

6. Success is about bloody hard work

I’ve found the only thing I can control in life is how hard I work. I can’t control the world around me, or people’s opinions of me, or the opportunities that come my way. But I can work, and practice, and work some more. I can push myself to be better. That’s all I can control, so I have to embrace it.

Also, when you fall on your ass and you still have the strength to be a nice person, that says something about who you truly are. So make an extra effort to be nice to others and celebrate their success.

7. Cheer Yourself Up

Read my list of 101 Ways to Cheer Yourself Up. If you’re not cheered up after doing everything on that list, I can’t help you :)

8. Metal cures all ills.

Thanks Corrine for this suggestion!

Nothing cures your ills like Slayer.

Do you have any tips for dealing with rejection? What’s the worst rejection you ever dealt with and how did you come to peace with it? What other angry / badass metal songs do you listen to when you feel rejected?

6 Responses and Counting...

deseee 07.21.2010

Is there a reason you skipped #4 or is that some inside joke that’s over my head?
One other rejection tip, stop caring. I’m sure most of your readers like metal regardless of what other people think. Most times rejection can be dealt with the same way. So what if she said no to that date, there’s only 3 billion other women on the planet.
The other way of looking at it is the whole “Worst they can say is no” line. When I was younger I used to get all worked up about stuff that would totally mess with my head as I believed pain, stigma and torture would result from me not getting whatever it was. But when you realise that the worst someone can say is “no” and plan for that possibility, it’s much easier to move on to the next thing.
MrPolek

First of all: I think that’s maybe the best Blog I’ve ever read! Gratz on that piece! It is pretty amazing how you express this deep melancholic feeling in these word (without beeing cheesy).

What I wanted to say is that I can pretty much identify with point 5. I take everything personal. It is hard so come to the point where you see that people do not want to hurt YOU but just mostly do their jobs or what ever.
[Exept for realtionships. It would pretty much confuse me if a girl says to me after breaking up: That sucks but I dont take it personal.]

I love a quote from a CoB-Song called “in Your Face”: “I dont give a flying fuck, motherfucker!”. It pretty much shows a great way to deal with most of rejections and disapointments.

The “Hard Work Point” is good! Most people forget, that they can improve. Like: “That’s me – You dont want me, get off”. But if you work hard on yourselfe you can be a person as you want and be accepted be others (because of being good!).

Yeah, thats about everything!
Gretz, MrPolek!
E.Bleak

Heart Of Steel has been, like, my personal strength anthem since I was a dweeby little high schooler. I listen to it when I start to flag while running, I listen to it before job interviews or giving talks to roomfuls of people, I listen to it to get over catty shit that people say. Something about the line WE WILL LAUGH AND THEY WILL KNEEL AND KNOW THIS HEART OF STEEL WAS TOO HARD TO BREAK TOO HARD TO HOLD makes me sit up a little straighter and remember how totally awesome I am.

Killer post. :D
steff

@Deseee – secret answer 4 is “Drink a can of harden-the-fuck-up” :)

The “worst they can do is say no” is something I use all the time. I talked my husband into auditioning for Within Temptation’s new drummer earlier this year. He didn’t get anywhere, but the fact that he tried was super cool, and nothing bad happened except they chose someone else.
steff

@E. I know – it’s my personal strength anthem too. It makes me feel like nothing is impossible.
steff

@MrPolek – thanks. I’m glad you can identify with this post – I think we can all at some point in our lives. I know that CoB song – it’s a great “F**k you world!” song.