There have been some fantastic April Fools jokes around the internet today. The best, of course, being Metal Archives adding Nickelback to their site. Said the mods:
“After a long and harsh process, M-A has decided to add Nickelback to its database. Once our Canadian moderators brought up their early releases, and our German mods agreed in unison, we were forced to reconsider them. Indeed, their first album Curb is totally metal and influenced by Soundgarden and Alice in Chains who are both on the site.
We felt like explaining ourselves and we’re truly sorry to all their fans for this mistake, theyDESERVED their spot on the Archives.”
The entry has – for better or worse – been deleted now, but before the day was out Nickelback had received at least 7 100% reviews. I saved a couple of quotes for you:
“This album is like sex for the ears, so much that you can actually feel Chad Kroeger’s dick plunging your ear canals.”
“I mean, don’t you hear those complex jazz chords in Hero? No one could do that in a million years! This literally is the greatest black metal album of all time!”
And, from the band’s “Additional Information” section:
“The band was accepted based on their material up to and including the album Curb.
According to “Newsweek” magazine, bassist Mike Kroeger is sensitive about the fact that he waxes his chest and shoulders before appearing shirtless on stage.
After playing a gig with Manilla Road in Kansas in 2003, rhythm guitarist Ryan Peake remarked how Manilla Road were the best band he ever heard in Saskatchewan.
In 2012, Nickelback performed at the NHL Awards in Las Vegas, Nevada after Bathory were unable to perform “Blood On Ice” due to scheduling conflicts.
Chad Kroeger mentioned, in a Rolling Stone interview, that he lost his virginity on a horse racing track.
Also, in 2012, a man scaled a 40 foot retaining wall to attempt to get into a Nickelback concert for free. He fell to his death and attendees did little to respond, citing “he’s a Nickelback fan”.
It is reported that Mike Kroeger was extremely touched by Metallica’s Lulu. This “masterpiece of cosmic proportions”, as he put it, will be the foundation of inspiration for their next album.”
Listen to this, and deny the metalness:
And I loved how MTV made an official apology to Manowar for their crimes against true metal.
70,000 Tons of Metal allegedly sold out in a few short hours. It seems to have been confirmed that this is another April Fools prank, which I bloody hope so as Symphony X have been announced and no I am itching to go next year.
In other, non-tomfoolery, news:
The Future that Never Was: 12 Funny Gadget Predictions. Where would we be without mechanical microfilm readers and personal jet-packs? (I would still like a personal jet pack, please?)
Another kickstarter project I have supported (my 3rd so far): Littlest Lovecraft: H.P. Lovecraft Kid’s Book, by Tro Rex and Eyo Bella.
Have you ever heard of the Victorian art of sending messages in flowers – some flowers mean friendship, other’s mean “I’d quite like to shag you in the bottom,” etc. Well Cryptofloricon continues the tradition with some unique and disturbing messages.
Abandoned Houses … made of lego. Urban explorers with too much time on their hands.
Season of the Witch. Witchypoo clothing is BIG this year. Hmmm …
See also Because the Night. Jamie Bochert for VICE.
From Cracked.com – 5 People on Etsy who are Clearly Serial Killers. This comes with a warning – some of this stuff is uber creepy and disturbing.
Issue 2 of Sciences Occultes – beautiful and intriguing magazine.
Gothic blogger La Carmina looks at Camden Markets – I haven’t been in London in 7 years or so – are these markets still good? I’m keen to come back soon. I remember going to CyberDog and, while it’s totally not stuff I would wear, all the glowing clothes and the shirts with lights inside them were seriously awesome.
Danielle Fedorshik (yes, that’s Metalographer Danielle) has made some of her prints into pillows. Stunning – get yours here.
Anti-Bullying campaign. This is beautiful: