March 22, 2011

10 Reasons New Zealand is more heavy metal than you

Tr00 Metal Life

As part of Blog4NZ week, I’m talking about my home country and how awesome it is, and trying to encourage all you metalheads to take your next vacation over here. Yesterday, I wrote about Metal things to do in Auckland, our biggest city. Today, I’m writing about a few of the things that make our country so grymm and epic.


On a ski trip to Turangi

10 Reasons New Zealand is More Metal Than You (And Therefore, Why You Should Come and Hang Out With Us)

1. We Party Harder than You

Kiwi’s are some of the hardest workers you’ll ever meet, and when we party, we don’t do things by halves. When you travel through NZ, be prepared to be challenged to numerous drinking games, get into loud arguments about yeast-based spreads and be taken deep into our rural heartland for a drunken round of “cow-tipping”.


2. We Have More Epic Scenery

If you’re not a hiking kinda-metalhead, you’re going to miss out on the brilliance of New Zealand. We have a fairly short period of human habitation, and an even shorter period of intensive colonization, so our landscape still jutts from the ocean like a modern Jussassic Park. If you want to go on the kind of holiday where you see absolutely NO ONE for five weeks, you can do that here.

Don’t know where to start? Andy has a great post on 11 Awesome (but really remote) places in New Zealand.


On our honeymoon in Queensland

3. We are cheap as chips

Unless you want to swim over, your airfare is probably going to set you back a few thousand, but once you get here, you’ll be surprised how much fun you can have for not very much. Compared to other first world countries, our exchange rate means you’ll save money on practically everything in New Zealand … food, booze, transport, accommodation … and musical instrument. Yep, if you’re in the market for a new bass guitar or metal drumkit, you probably won’t find it cheaper than over here, but good luck slipping that double bass birch babinga kit back home in your suitcase.

4. We Put on a Great Feed

If you’re invited around for drinks at someone’s place, don’t stop by the burger-shop first, because chances are, they’re put out an impressive spread of beloved kiwi food for you. We love to entertain people and fill them to bursting with good food, locally sourced, of course. If you come from Europe, try some NZ lamb, cooked on the barbie or roasted with all the trimmings. If you’re feeling a little adventurous, go in for a hangi (that’s a meal cooked in an underground pit). Try some kumara chips (it’s a sweet potato – so yum), some paua or whitebait fritters, and wash it down with a bottle of wine. For dessert – Pavlova, of course.


The roast dinner I cooked for mates a couple of weeks ago.

5. We Have Hobbits

J.R.R. Tolkien was metal. Blind Guardian say so. And now, thanks to Sir Peter Jackson, my favorite country is now intrinsically tied up in the history of my favorite books. They’re already holding elf auditions over here, but I’m holding out to be a hobbit. Hobbits are metal.

6. We hate Australians more than You Hate Emos

And, honestly, can you blame us? I mean, they talk so stupidly, they eat vegemite, their national animal is a tigger with a pocket fetish, and their beer tastes like shite. I bet even emos hate Australians.


7. We make the perfect hangover food

Some people swear by a bacon sandwich, others, a Big Mac, But you haven’t lived till you’ve stumbled down to the dairy or gas station at 7 in the morning after a hard night on the piss to pick up a mince and cheese pie.

8. We like to kill small, cuddly animals

We are definitely a country of carnivores, but intrepid barbarians will be pleased to know most New Zealanders spent a good portion of their childhood learning to kill their own dinner. Whether it’s hunting, fishing or living on a farm, most of us have a holistic, natural respect for our food and understand the process of animal to dinner. As such, we’re a nation of gun-owners, weapons-enthusiasts, and organic farmers. If you’ve ever wanted to learn how to shoot a deer, pluck a duck or BBQ sheep’s brains, we are only to happy to teach you.


Yes, that is a blind girl with a bow. You'd be surprised how many bulls-eyes I get.

9. Adrenaline is Our Drug of Choice

Just ask my parents, who pushed me off a mountain for my 13th birthday (I was attached to a glider, but still …). As my husband, who was pushed off a bridge on his 30th birthday (with a rope attached, but still …) Ask anyone who has ever rode in a car while I’ve been driving (I’m not legally allowed to drive, owing to the fact I can’t actually see past the bonnet, but still …) NZ is the home of bungy, and while you’re here, it’s paramount you participate in at least two different extreme sports. And yes, challenging one of us to a drinking competition totally counts …

10. Our National Motto is “She’ll Be Right”

Kiwis are remarkable people, and I think the Christchurch earthquake demonstrates that. We don’t let the world get to us, we know, no matter how bad things may seem, there are good times ahead. As long the beer is cheap, the roof doesn’t leak (well, for some of us, it’s a fanciful dream), the pavlova didn’t sink, and you’re surrounded by family and mates who love you, well, then nothing can really be as bad as you think.

Kiwi’s, chime in here. What makes New Zealand so awesome?

7 Comments on “10 Reasons New Zealand is more heavy metal than you

March 26, 2011 at 10:13 am

bloody kiwis!.
was thiniing about going to the world cup , but didn’t like britain in the 50’s !
everything shuts at 6.30!
music come on now anything nasty and talent ends up in shepherds bush by the time they are 19
you need a proper festival big name headliners and then some “local (“local concert for local people )
if want scenary look in a strip joint better veiws ,more expense
let the ink think
cymru am byth

Louise Curtis
March 24, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Oh, you guys also have a surprisingly high rate of violent crime. (Which is now explained by the sheer madness of #6, you poor, oddly-accented fools.)

Louise Curtis (freely acknowledging that NZ is the best country in the world for a holiday with thrills that don’t involve your digestive system)

March 24, 2011 at 9:52 pm

@Louise – YES, and an abnormally high teen suicide rate, and a flightless bird as a national mascot, but I try not to dwell on these things.
Also, I’m not so sure about the digestive system … every time I eat a deep fried mars bar I swear never again …

March 23, 2011 at 12:52 am

Steff, love your blog! Im a vegan and an Australian- so thats really saying something! Would love to make it to New Zealand one day soon!

March 23, 2011 at 1:05 am

@Jo – thanks! That’s high praise from a vegan Aussie :) We’d love to have you – and I’d love to come visit Aussie more often – we’re hoping to do a train journey across the desert one of these years :)

March 22, 2011 at 2:50 pm

That is a great list. We don’t have much in Palmerston North apart from good gigs at the royal or the factory and lotz of potz and c2c for shops otherwise its a road trip to wellington or online for our needs.. we used t have a radio station called the rev otherwise its axe attack on the rock now

March 22, 2011 at 1:53 pm

Oi! Well at least Australians hate you New Zealander’s right back so I can’t really blame you lot.

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