October 19, 2011

33 Things Every Metal Guitarist Should Do Before They Die

Brutal Tunes, Makes me Giggle, Tr00 Metal Life


Dave Mustaine

1. Play a show in your friend’s basement that’s so loud the neighbours call the police.

2. Find yourself in an unsavorary location and / or a compromising position after answering a “guitarist wanted” ad.

3. Post videos of your epic shred solo of doom on Youtube.

4. Teach someone how to play the opening to “Nothing Else Matters.”

5. Have a total fanboy / fangirl moment when you meet one of your favorite guitarists – ala Wayne’s World “We’re not worthy!”



"We're not worthy!"

6. Collect samples of wood from grymm and frostbitten locations around the world. Store these in a box in your closet as possible bodies for your first custom guitar.

7. Grafitti on the bathroom wall in a metal club.

8. Instigate a heavy metal campfire singalong.

9. Learn the middle AND the end of “Stairway to Heaven”.

10. Cover your guitar case in krieg band stickers.

11. Give your playing style a non-sensical name.

12. Give interviewers a list of obscure guitarists as your “influences” and smile knowlingly when they don’t know who they are.

13. Conduct a photo shoot in your best “staunch” metal pose. Bonus points if you can get some invisible oranges in there.

14. Write a song for a lover.

15. Write a song for an ex-lover. This will probably be the better of the two.

16. Compose a metal cover of a totally non-metal song, ala Turisas’ “Rasputin”.

17. When someone in the crowd yells “play some Slayer!” bust out a few riffs from “Reign in Blood”.

18. Buy an amp with a knob that goes up to eleven.

19. Fire a drummer.

20. Perform synchronized windmilling on stage with your other bandmates.

21. Join an online guitar forum to geek out about gear and technique.

22. Get into a heated argument on an online guitar forum about gear and / or technique.

23. Play on stage with a fan blowing your hair.

24. Call a famous metal guitarist “overrated”.

25. Lust after a particular guitar just because your idol plays it.

26. Work out so that one day you can take your shirt off on stage.

27. Convince yourself it’s OK to wear makeup on stage without being considered a pansy.

28. Crowdsurf while playing guitar.

29. Visit the Rock n Roll hall of Fame, or any of the other guitar museums around the world, and complain about the lack of metal.

30. Write a letter to a popular guitar magazine complaining about the lack of metal.

31. Pose.

32. Have a solo project just so you can call the shots.

33. Develop what I like to call a ‘deplorable excess of personality’.

Feel free to add your own in the comments!

Steff Metal – in association with GuitarMasterClass – are giving away SIX memberships to the GMC guitar forum. To enter, simply leave a comment on any of the Metal Guitar Week articles – the more comments you leave, the more chances you have to win!

6 Comments on “33 Things Every Metal Guitarist Should Do Before They Die

September 28, 2013 at 6:21 am

Yes, amps that go to 11 are a must :)

Joshua Russell
October 29, 2011 at 3:37 pm

Develop a taste for straight spirits out of the bottle

October 21, 2011 at 1:25 am

this made me LOL, you’re the best Steff!

October 20, 2011 at 6:44 pm

even though none of my comments get posted for whatever reason, just want to say that that Turisas cover of Rasputin is the shit.

October 24, 2011 at 12:45 am

@Amelia – I love that cover – cracks me up. The comments go to moderation before they get posted – there should be a little note that tells you after you submit the comment, but there isn’t. I’m working on that. If you check back at some of the comments you’ve made you should see them up now. Sorry about this! I’d rather them just go straight up, but I get too much spam.

October 19, 2011 at 11:33 pm

Play a gig where your amp is louder than your drummer. (Bonus points if he can’t hear himself either!)

Claim to have ‘Toured’ with Black Sabbath in the 70s.. (Even if you weren’t born yet)

State nonchalantly in an interview that you politely turned down the audition for Slash’s spot in G’n’R simply because you were going to miss the cllfhanger of your favorite soap opera.

Make your bass player buy you a beer.

Buy a guitar with a fFloyd Rose system.. and learn how to use it. PROPERLY.

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