October 27, 2010

Am I a Hipster? Are YOU a Hipster?

Makes me Giggle, Tr00 Metal Life

Q: How many Hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It’s a really obscure number. You totally haven’t heard of it.

Jokes are way too mainstream

I’ve been watching this post over on Godammit I’m Mad for the last week. All the readers are throwing down the ingredients of the ultimate hipster. I was giggling along until I realized something horrific.



According to the accepted definitions, I am a hipster.


also hipsters

Witness the evidence:

  • I wear old band t-shirts
  • I adore Nick Cave with a fiery passion
  • I like the Misfits and Iggy Pop once gave me a hug
  • I like leather and denim
  • My wardrobe consists largely of stuff with skulls and spikes on it
  • I like me some stupid hats (I have a British soldiers beret I brought from the army surplas store – my friend buys me different regimental badges for it. I will show it to you sometime)
  • I write bad poetry (mostly limericks)
  • I like death metal (I wasn’t aware death metal was a hipster thing? Maybe they’re confused with metalcore?)
  • I am rather appreciative of tattoos
  • I paint cupcakes – although, they are accompanied by Corpsepaint Kitties
  • I write a blog
  • I watch 70s horror movies, alongside horror movies from every other era
  • I don’t dye my hair or wear makeup (what would be the point?)
  • I am far too skinny
  • I like real bones, or casts or bones or bits of dead things as accessories, but only if it represents a deeper meaning


Although, I don’t possess any of these essential hipsterish qualities

  • Smoking (especially not rollies)
  • A fascination with taxidermy (honestly, animals are cooler when they’re alive or in a pie)
  • Fur jackets (see above)
  • Feather headdresses – although I did used to wear black feathers in my hair
  • Polariod photographs – we have iPhones now, don’t see the point
  • Vans and converse sneakers – no arch support. Give me my steel-caps any day
  • The belief that you are absolutely unique in what you like, even though troops of other people like exactly the same thing – I LOVE that I’m not alone in liking metal.
  • The sincere belief that you have always liked headbands or motorcycle jackets or some other fashionable object even if you only started wearing them last year or possibly once wished you had one when you were twelve – hahahaha
  • The belief that only you have real reasons for what you do and everyone else is misguided – as above
  • Moleskeines – It’s a notebook, guys. You can buy 10 for a dollar at the stationary warehouse. Do not understand.
  • Mixing French into everyday speech – Deutch klingt Besser.
  • A combover haircut
  • A raw-foodist

I think hipsters might be the new emo – like, emo expanded into an actual subculture. It’s odd though, that hipsters seem to have adopted a lot of “metal” and “punk” things – motorcycles, spikes, leather, skulls, etc. It’s probably got more to do with that whole teenage rebellion and trying to be badass than any direct association with our subculture, though.

I try to look at it as a good thing – if this stuff is popular, more people will be making wicked clothing and jewelry in a style I like, and then, when it dies down again, as it will eventually do, my closet will be stocked with amazing goodies. Although, by then, I will be so fat from all the cupcakes I won’t be able to fit them anymore.

Hipster Resources

Why Do People Hate Hipsters
Hackney Hipster Hate Blog
Look at this Fucking Hipster
Hipster Suck (wow, there are a lot of these sites)
Scene Kids on Cracked (this is what we – or at least the people I know – call Hipsters in NZ. That or just fucking stupid)
Stuff Hipsters Hate
Why Being a Hipster is an Excellent and Wonderful Thing

Question time: are you a hipster? Am I a hipster? Is metal a hipster thing?

14 Comments on “Am I a Hipster? Are YOU a Hipster?

March 13, 2011 at 11:59 am

At this point I don’t really care if there is any sort of crossover between hipsters and metalheads. Really the worst it could mean is that we get some fresh blood and new ideas to, hopefully, enhance the community.
You should definitely give some post rock (yes I know you hate genres with the word post in them) like Mogwai or Russian Circles a chance, amazing stuff. Bands like Neurosis and Isis are definitely worth your time too. Bands like those are why I don’t really care if metal starts to become associated with hipster culture.

March 18, 2011 at 2:33 pm

@Phil – I really like this post-rock band called “Godspeed you black emperor”, so I will give those other two a try. I’m not too worried about it myself, seems a silly thing to worry about, what with all the earthquakes and tsunamis and bad euro exchange rates right when I’m going to Germany making headlines. But it was weird because I thought a hipster was something totally different, and I was looking at the list and thinking “Woah, I like all these hipster things – I thought this stuff was totally odd, not ‘cool'”.

March 13, 2011 at 12:05 am

And by the way your not a hipster in the slightest!!! If you like Cannibal Corpse and know who Dime Bag is i think your 100% safe! No hipster would like any of that its to nerdy and brutal!

March 12, 2011 at 11:53 pm

I have had my ears spacers for several years now and enjoy having a beard! My beard idol is Rob Zombie and i love all sorts of metal from Mastodon to Nile, also dabble in Dark wave and Ska/punk. (Mastodon is considered hipster now aswell…… and messuggah haha!) I wear long tall shirts and ride a BMX bike (not a fixed gear). I have never seen a Wes Anderson movie besides Fantastic Mr. Fox, because i love cartoons and didn’t even know i was watching one….. I don’t consider my self a hipster at all, neither do my hipster roommates, who where Levis jeans and boat shoes/ bloodstones and have Quaff hair, yet some people do??? If you find this to be a problem spit in their face and tell them your power level is over 9000!!! they will assume you are a nerd and leave you be, or prepare to fight you. In fact the dividing line I find is “have you ever been in a pyshical fight? and won?” if so you either fought another hipster with a knock out punch while holding a half empty Paps Blue ribbon from your pansy ass 6 pack and are feeling a buzz after you first half a beer, (also feeling annoyed that you split it on your new american apparel dress shirt, in mid tweet about how you totally didn’t want to fight but thought it would be ironic if you did and won). This hipster was also weaker then yourself, or you aren’t a hipster.

March 18, 2011 at 2:38 pm

@NickG – thank you! I’m glad to know I’m safe. You’re post totally cracked me up. And Rob Zombie is the perfect beard idol – he has the BEST beard. I think if I ever wanted to grow a beard, I’d be looking to him for inspiration, too.

November 10, 2010 at 4:28 pm

Can’t say I know much about hipsters, but I firmly agree with you regarding taxidermy. One , it’s just weird and eerie and DID IT JUST MOVE? I SWEAR IT”S STARING AT ME! Two, animals most definitely better alive or in a delicious, steaming pie (after all, it’s what’s inside that counts). Quiche is also nice.

November 15, 2010 at 1:06 am

@ CJ Mmmmmmm, pie.

The only stuffed animal I like is the christmas chicken.

October 31, 2010 at 4:12 pm

I know some hipsters. They are ok.

I dont get the point of death metal….
Why should a hipster listen to death metal? Kinda confusing. The hipsters I know listen to indie rock and such stuff. No DM here.

In my point of view Metal and Hipster are pretty contrary. Like Metal sticks to the old stuff. Pretty conservative. And hipsters always search new thing.

My second point is that if the rebelion-thing is true (which I doubt in some way) thats a big difference to metal. There are a few metal bands with this anti-social drive but in most ways metal is pretty much peaceful.

At last I may consider some critisism:
Do people really did list what makes a hipster? I think they confused Emo, Scene People and Hipsters.Look at the pics you posted. Are there any spikes or skulls? I do not see any.

October 29, 2010 at 9:39 am

So….. Maybe I’m wrong, but are we talking about Hipsters around the world, or in NZ, or what?
I’m in Nashville, TN, and they do not like anything here. Except the smoking, and headbands. Seriously. The ones I know all like Indie/local music, ride bikes, save the Earth, wear jeggings and cutoff jeans and lumberjack shirts. And most of them smoke. They don’t like Metal, skulls, band T-shirts, tattoos, etc. Again, maybe this is backwards TN, but my boyfriend is a hipster (wannabe), and all his friends are hipsters. So I see this group all the time.
It’s interesting, the differences.

October 30, 2010 at 1:24 pm

@Noctis – I think we’re talking about hipsters everywhere, but obviously there are regional variations, because they are clearly quite different over here than other parts of the world. It is interesting – I would say the hipsters over here are into “green-friendly” but only to a certain extent. Like, they all hang out at this cafe that makes vegan cupcakes and complain about not being able to find stylish hemp shoes … honestly, I don’t really know, having never had any kind of conversation with one.

October 28, 2010 at 4:45 pm

Here Steff..maybe this website will help

Metal is not a hipster thing..though some hipsters are making their way into the world of metal. Like Nellie said they tend to be attracted to black metal…particularly stuff with atmospheric, shoegaze, or post metal elements in it. Wolves in the Throne Room is one of the more well known bands that attract hipsters. They also like very technical death metal..stuff like Obscura or Gorguts.

They’re stereotypically in their 20’s and identified by short hair, “Buddy Holly” style glasses, and wearing a t-shirt for the sake of irony (thats where the old band t-shirt thing comes into play). They usually have one arm tattooed into a full sleeve, small spacers in their ears, and the guys probably have a beard. They also tend to be a bit pretentious.

Being a hipster seems to be more about mindset then anything. People who fall into this catagory tend to do it because its a style, not because they have any real passion for these things. As for scene kids…dont even get me started on those mutants

October 30, 2010 at 1:22 pm

@Rob – that’s a good explanation, actually. (and that site is a total crack-up. They even have a br00tal kid) I am finding it rather hard to understand exactly what IS a hipster? It doesn’t seem to be a genre of music, but it’s not quite a subculture, either. Do hipsters self-identify as hipsters? It’s all ver new and scary to me :)

October 28, 2010 at 12:12 am

Unfortunately, hipsters are latching on to metal music because of its obscurity and non-mainstream appeal. Even though I bet the majority of them don’t a) even like it, b) understand it, and/or c) appreciate it like we do.

But the death metal thing? Most of the hipsters “into” metal I’ve come across are into black metal. Super obscure and not very good black metal.

I’m not very hipster. I wear band shirts, but In Flames are the oldest band I have in my collection (I do wear my boyfriend’s Slayer shirts sometimes though!), I like death metal, I write a blog, and I’m into serial killers so much that my dream career is a forensic/criminal psychologist. Doesn’t really qualify me, does it? :P

October 30, 2010 at 1:19 pm

@Nellie – I didn’t think I qualified either, but I looked at all the lists people had up and thought “hmmm”.

I am trying to imagine a day when black metal is “hip”, but I just … can’t ….

Comments are closed.