Q: How many Hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It’s a really obscure number. You totally haven’t heard of it.
Jokes are way too mainstream
I’ve been watching this post over on Godammit I’m Mad for the last week. All the readers are throwing down the ingredients of the ultimate hipster. I was giggling along until I realized something horrific.
According to the accepted definitions, I am a hipster.
Witness the evidence:
- I wear old band t-shirts
- I adore Nick Cave with a fiery passion
- I like the Misfits and Iggy Pop once gave me a hug
- I like leather and denim
- My wardrobe consists largely of stuff with skulls and spikes on it
- I like me some stupid hats (I have a British soldiers beret I brought from the army surplas store – my friend buys me different regimental badges for it. I will show it to you sometime)
- I write bad poetry (mostly limericks)
- I like death metal (I wasn’t aware death metal was a hipster thing? Maybe they’re confused with metalcore?)
- I am rather appreciative of tattoos
- I paint cupcakes – although, they are accompanied by Corpsepaint Kitties
- I write a blog
- I watch 70s horror movies, alongside horror movies from every other era
- I don’t dye my hair or wear makeup (what would be the point?)
- I am far too skinny
- I like real bones, or casts or bones or bits of dead things as accessories, but only if it represents a deeper meaning
Although, I don’t possess any of these essential hipsterish qualities
- Smoking (especially not rollies)
- A fascination with taxidermy (honestly, animals are cooler when they’re alive or in a pie)
- Fur jackets (see above)
- Feather headdresses – although I did used to wear black feathers in my hair
- Polariod photographs – we have iPhones now, don’t see the point
- Vans and converse sneakers – no arch support. Give me my steel-caps any day
- The belief that you are absolutely unique in what you like, even though troops of other people like exactly the same thing – I LOVE that I’m not alone in liking metal.
- The sincere belief that you have always liked headbands or motorcycle jackets or some other fashionable object even if you only started wearing them last year or possibly once wished you had one when you were twelve – hahahaha
- The belief that only you have real reasons for what you do and everyone else is misguided – as above
- Moleskeines – It’s a notebook, guys. You can buy 10 for a dollar at the stationary warehouse. Do not understand.
- Mixing French into everyday speech – Deutch klingt Besser.
- A combover haircut
- A raw-foodist
I think hipsters might be the new emo – like, emo expanded into an actual subculture. It’s odd though, that hipsters seem to have adopted a lot of “metal” and “punk” things – motorcycles, spikes, leather, skulls, etc. It’s probably got more to do with that whole teenage rebellion and trying to be badass than any direct association with our subculture, though.
I try to look at it as a good thing – if this stuff is popular, more people will be making wicked clothing and jewelry in a style I like, and then, when it dies down again, as it will eventually do, my closet will be stocked with amazing goodies. Although, by then, I will be so fat from all the cupcakes I won’t be able to fit them anymore.
Why Do People Hate Hipsters
Hackney Hipster Hate Blog
Look at this Fucking Hipster
Hipster Suck (wow, there are a lot of these sites)
Scene Kids on Cracked (this is what we – or at least the people I know – call Hipsters in NZ. That or just fucking stupid)
Stuff Hipsters Hate
Why Being a Hipster is an Excellent and Wonderful Thing
Question time: are you a hipster? Am I a hipster? Is metal a hipster thing?