November 2, 2009

Ask a Bogan: Hosting an Epic Metal Party

Ask a Metalhead, Concerts & Grog Fests, Tr00 Metal Life

Dear Steff Metal

I love my friends to pieces, but I’m starting to get bored. Every weekend we go to someone’s house, drink beer, and talk about metal. It’s the same every week. You have such a fun-sounding life – how do you throw epic metal parties?


Beer, beef, babes and brutality. I’m oft told these three ingredients make up the ultimate metal party. CDH and I are quite social creatures – we go to parties, gigs and events every weekend. I love hosting our friends at our place, or planning crazy outings. We’ve attended – and hosted – some amazing parties, and also slumped home after some totally boring ones.

A pile of bogans! Playing twister at a metal party

Many elements come together to create an awesome metal party. Having a core group of kickass, like-minded friends really helps. I’m truly blessed to be surrounded by several intelligent, hilarious, fun-loving and happy people; when we come together, magic happens.

In my humble, fun-loving opinion, “Drinking for the Sake of Drinking” parties are NEVER as much fun as events organized around a theme. When I plan a bogan party I try and form it around a specific event – a new zombie movie I’ve acquired, a dress-up theme, a holiday, a fake-holiday (Dimebag Darrell appreciation day, anyone?)

Once you’ve thought of a suitably metal theme, decide on a basic format for your party – this varies depending on your group of friends and what you’re all used to. Do you normally BYO alcohol and the host supplies food? Or do you all mission across the road to the takeaway shop together? When will you start the fun? What time will you kick everyone out? Are people welcome to crash the night? Do you want people to get a little tipsy or totally wasted?

My hen's night, 2008. No, we are totally not climbing over that fence with the WARNING signs.

Your decisions depend on your level of comfort regarding guests in your home, and the comfort of your other housemates. I love playing hostess, and CDH enjoys a great night but needs to be able to tell everyone to fuck off home. He can’t handle other people staying the night, so we only let people stay over in emergencies. Because no one crashes at our place, our parties tend to be less drink-heavy than our other friends.

I love food (no surprises there) so when I host a party I go all-out on the menu. Pizza, chips and guacamole, nachos, cakes, cob loaf, doughnuts, sausage rolls, pigs in blankets, quiche … all made from scratch, of course. We’ve also had “Bogan Viking Feasts” where everyone brings one element of an epic roast dinner and we all eat like Viking Lords.

A tea-party, heavy metal style. My friend Shane in the back is the waiter

What are you going to do at your party? After I’ve come up with a theme, I try to think of one or two fun activities relating to that theme. If you’re having a Bogan picnic, set up a croquet set on the back lawn. For a friend’s birthday party, wrap a present in multiple layers of newspaper and play Pass the Parcel.

Once you’ve decided on an event, you need send out the invites. We used to txt everyone we knew to inform them about an upcoming party, but we now tend to make event pages on Facebook.

I like Facebook event pages (‘grog fests’ if you use Facebook pirate) because you can set a whole atmosphere with a fun description and photo, while adding all the pertinent details: like is it BYO / Drinks provided? I also like being able to see how many people are definitely coming, and I can discuss organizational details prior to the event.

The disadvantage to Facebook being twofold:

  1. Not everyone will be on Facebook and you can quickly alienate friends by forgetting to invite them to events (I’ve seen it happen).
  2. If you DON’T want to invite people on Facebook they will still be able to see you’re having a party that they’re not invited to, and they will feel bad, and that won’t be nice.

As long as you’re prepared to sort out either of these two issues, Facebook invites work great! However, an old-fashioned mailed invite will make all your friends feel special – we had so much fun making and delivering our scroll wedding invites, we’re going to do them again for our next party.

On the day of the party, straighten your house; put your baking in the oven, and clear away anything you don’t want broken (drunk Bogans can be quite rambunctious!) Put some ice in the freezer, set out the food, place some ashtrays outside for the smokers, and pop open a bottle of wine. Choose an album that matches the atmosphere of your party and put this on at the time you expect guests to arrive (I choose Manowar).

I automatically expect everyone to be a half-hour late. Because of this, I schedule parties a half hour before I plan on them actually starting. Never start a party at 8pm and expect everyone to show up at 8 on the dot – it just won’t happen.

Now that everyone’s at your party, keep an eye on the snack table and try to involve the wallflowers in the action, but don’t forget to remove your hostess hat and socialize! Ask people about their week, offer them beer and food, introduce them to everyone they don’t know, and exclaim over their newest metal t-shirt purchase.

Most importantly, have a blast! Let whatever happen, happen, and take lots of photos to embarrass your friends on Facebook in the morning!

Super Snuggles and Shoggoth Kisses

Comments are closed.