My debut novel, At War With Satan, is being released on ebook Friday next week. (Paperback books will follow at the end of March).
I am beyond excited. I said to myself many years ago that I would be publish a novel by the time I was 30, and here I am at 29 about to hold my first ever book in my hands. And that’s not all … I’ve got at least three more books lined up for this year.
I won’t bore you with the saga of my writing life, the number of rejection letters I received, the number of agents and editors who praised my work but said there just wasn’t a market for my bizarro metal fantasy humour. Suffice it to tell you that I wrote this book in 2007, and in 2014 it will finally be seen by public eyes.
If I sell 2 copies, I will call it a success. Hopefully I’ll sell more! But this isn’t about making money – if I wanted to be a millionaire, I wouldn’t write bizarro metal fantasy humour. (Writers can make up sub-genres, too). I had a shit-ton of fun writing this book, and if you love metal, or even if you just want to read something that will make you giggle, then pick up a copy when it comes out.
Here’s what the back cover says:
What if loud music really COULD send you to hell?
All Gavin ever wanted was to drum in a heavy metal band, and find a girl who could tolerate his hair clogging up the sink and appreciate the exquisite poetry of Cannibal Corpse lyrics. When Lou – the mysterious stranger with the voice of doom – comes to Gavin’s small English village, all Gavin’s dreams begin to come true; he falls for Suzie, a cute metal chick with a serious lack of hand-eye coordination, and his band At War With Satan – fronted by Lou, of course – is opening for Spiked Coffin, only the biggest heavy metal band in the world.
Little does Gavin know that Lou’s a demon using their music to recruit metalheads to fight in the upcoming apocalypse. But when the battle goes horribly wrong, Lou, Gavin, Suzie and the reaper Death of Mauling by Particularly Homicidal Badgers set out across Hell to save an innocent girl and stop the triumphant demonic forces relocating to Earth, permanently.
At War With Satan is populated by a cast of motley metaleheads, cuddly kittens, horrid heavy metal clichés, reapers, zombies, shades, gargoyles, accountancy clerks and gourd juice. Are you ready to sell your soul for true metal?
And I’ve even got my first little blurb:
“Wicked funny … part Dante’s Inferno, part Wayne’s World.” – Chris Bowes, Alestorm
Anyone who’s read my short story collection, The Good, The Bad, and The Utterly Screwed (and at just 0.99c, why wouldn’t you?), would’ve read an excerpt of the book (albeit, a slightly rougher version). I’m going to be posting a few more short excerpts of At War With Satan this week, to whet your appetite for the release.
Here’s the first, from a scene where the protagonist, Gavin, is working behind the drum counter at the local music shop, and trying to ignore a very annoying dude named Sebastian who’s just come in talk his ear off.
I concentrated on the inventory list, nodding or shaking my head at appropriate intervals.
“You hear the latest bout Ian?”
My ears pricked up.
“Your mate, Ian Tvadich, has a new girlfriend.”
Sebastian was winding me up, since Ian Tvadich was not my mate, pal, brother, friend, concubine or companion of any sort. He used to be. In fact, we used to be in a band together, and it was a very good band, too. But Ian was a lead guitarist and – like Euronymous and so many other lead guitarists who have been murdered by their bandmates before him – he began to insist on calling the shots. Suddenly, our brutal gore melodic technical hardcore black slash death sound wasn’t where it was at anymore, and he wanted us to move in a sonic direction more akin to brutal technical grind blackened thrash slash folk metal. But I just wasn’t down with that, for reasons I’m sure are obvious to everybody. As a compromise, I suggested a brutal gore hardcore thrash slash death metal band with Viking influences, but he wouldn’t hear of it, so now we hate each other. Well, that and he shagged my fiancée. But it was mostly about the music.
The rest of the book pretty much continues in this vein.
PS. Book reviewers, I’m happy to offer free review copies – please email me at email@example.com with details about your site/publication and I’d be happy to oblige.