August 24, 2009

We’re ALL losers, people

Tr00 Metal Life

I found this truly insightful article on dating losers on The Frisky. It’s one man’s rebuttal to those articles in woman’s magazines about ‘How to Spot a Loser’. Read it. I swear the title doesn’t do it justice.

“Consider the flipside. Hey, we live like frat boys, but maybe we don’t want to live in a Bed, Bath & Beyond showroom. OK, we don’t call, but maybe you call, text, instant message, and Facebook too much? Yeah, sure, we talk about ourselves a lot, but only during the brief moments of silence when you’re not talking about yourself. And while we’re on the topic: We’re not cheap, your Daddy’s rich, not to mention that he was emotionally unavailable during your youth. And one other thing: That lipstick makes you look like the Joker.”

You can’t hold a person up to a fantasy “perfect partner” because sooner or later, they will fall flat. Yes, you need to understand yourself well enough to know what you want and need in a lover, but you can recite a laundry list of traits you expect them to adhere to. My husband doesn’t like Nick Cave. In fact, he can’t stand Nick. He’s obviously crazy, but I’m not going to divorce him any time soon.

We’re all losers, people. Dorky, metal-obsessed, nervous, sweaty-palmed losers. We’re defined by our “loserdom”, all of us. If you met me in real life you’d be talking to an extremely sky, oddly-dressed girl with wonky eyes and a tendancy to crash into things. I’m a total loser, and I would never want to be any different. Love is all about laughing at yourself with another loser – that’s what makes metalhead love so amazingly awesome. Love and kisses and Cephalic Carnage – how amazing is that?

The beautiful things in life aren’t easy, or simple, or compatible. I find the concept of “dating” so inherently flawed because so much of it is based on superficial attributes, and it’s spawned this whole dating culture, where we compare star charts, meet people online based on matching lists of favorite bands and read magazines that print those ‘how to spot a loser’ articles, and we can’t help but get sucked in, just a little.

Ladies, why are you wasting your time worrying about who’s paying for the check or how scuffed his shoes are or whether he’s called you today? Don’t we have more interesting stuff to wonder about, like how he’d look dressed in woman’s clothing or whether he’d like you to paint him a mural for his birthday? Aren’t there kittens to hug and sausage rolls to eat?

The thing about woman’s magazines everyone has to remember is that they’re targeted to an audience – young, successful woman who like to look good, feel confident, and take control. These are strong, sassy woman who’s men of choice – for reasons known best to themselves – resemble the men in these articles. But not all men are like this, not all woman are like this. We’re all losers, really.

Don’t worry whether you’re compatible – worry about whether you connect, whether you get each other. Whether being together just seems sensible. Worry about who will eat the last slice of pie, worry about which side of his neck to kiss him on, worry about that evil glint in her eye, worry about the fluttery feeling in your heart every time they walk past you in the hall and you happen to be carrying an entire stack of chocolate brownies and their very presence turns your entire body into a jelly blob which crashes into a pole and brownies fly everywhere …

Dating should not be about weeding the losers from the ‘creme’, whoever the fuck they are. Dating should be about meeting new, exciting and interesting people, and sometimes, maybe, feeling that connection that shoots lasers up your spine.

That’s all from me. Loser out!

Super snuggles and Shoggoth Kisses

2 Comments on “We’re ALL losers, people

May 11, 2013 at 4:20 am

You have some good points. I think that is one thing that has been frgootten by teachers. Who now are more focused on grades. Not on showing someone how to be a man or woman. My father was sick pretty much my hole life growing up. Which didn’t help me as I got around 5th grade which is when the other kids started picking on me and I had a teacher that didn’t care. I would get in trouble not do homework and instead of helping which caused me to be held back a year. That year didn’t help I acted out more so I wouldn’t get picked on. She got to a point where when I got the guts to try and stand up and take on a challenge at a school play when one of the other kids got sick. I told her I could do the part she looked at me and told me to my face that I would just mess it up. After sixth grade my parents pulled me out of that school and put me into a new school I did much better at the new school and had vary nice teachers that took the time to help me. Then came high school. I was forced back with the same people who had picked on me and used me to pull the pranks that I had did at the old school to keep from getting picked on. Once more a teacher had the chance to help me with my self esteem. Miss Collens was my English teacher and I was not a good speller or good a writing because I didn’t give a shit. When we did get to something that I did give a shit about which was a fantasy writing. Which was the only books I read. I put a lot of work behind it and put all my effort into it. So the day comes to get the paper back and it doesn’t have a grade on it so I go to the teacher and ask why I don’t have a grade. Her answer to that is This is to good to be your work you copied it out of some book I’m not going to give you a grade. So I failed that class I didn’t give a shit any more. It wasn’t till I went off to school in Utah that I got some of the self confidence that I needed I was a top student was a vice president for my dorm. When I got back to St. Louis I joined the Sheriffs department and won the to academic award for my academy class. I’ve now been on the force for 14 years now I’m a certified instructor. I look back and always wonder what would have changed in my life if those teachers would have done things differently. So yes I think teachers need to do more then just look at facebook and grades. Now coming from what I have learned as a person in law enforcement. Students who are thinking or planing attack on a school will post things on facebook. That if noticed can help prevent them from happening.

April 10, 2011 at 11:32 pm

I wish I could write more, but all I can say is that I agree completely. That’s probably why there are no other comments. I bet many people who read this article felt like saying something when the only thing they typed was “yeah, I think so too”

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